If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
