Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
