i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You are the jesus of drinking
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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