The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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