Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
