My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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