1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
zippers are such a cool invention
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
