i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
