$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
