I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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