it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
worst night to have a conscience
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
