i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize