Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
