You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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