I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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