come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
