So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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