Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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