I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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