omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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