Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I deserve this hangover.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
