from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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