also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
