this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
