woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
