I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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