My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize