mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
stop calling my apartment porn island.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
