I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
