But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
