should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
