why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
