I think im going to throw up on grandma
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
