38 yer olds are good kisserssss
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
