So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
