i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
