she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
