you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
