who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
