yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
