I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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