If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
