I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I didn't shave. On purpose
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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