you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
