drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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