oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
