How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
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Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
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So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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