you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The adults are the big ones right?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
