margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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