it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
