Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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