Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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