I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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