The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
