got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
where does the pee come out of this thing
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
