Dual....:-)
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
