A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How does one acquire holy water?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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