Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
