I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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