Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
