I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
