if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
