some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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