I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
