Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
