he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
