my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Welp...herpes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
