You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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