You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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