38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Randomize
