the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
