I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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