Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
