You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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