No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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