I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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