so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think people are normalizing furries
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
